Mixed Emotions: A True Story
by XxSonicShadowXx
Summary: A story that tells what I've been going through recently. I hope you enjoy it. -NOT SONIC RELATED!-  Sorry. :P


**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm so psyched to be writing to you all again! First of all, I must apologize for not writing or updating in SO long. There's been a lot going on in my life lately, and I just wasn't in the mood for writing or doing anything for many months. But I assure you, I am BACK! Thanks to my really awesome friend ShadowRox, I have been inspired to write again. I will certainly be more active, especially during the summer! You can check out my profile now to see what's coming up soon! So I hope you enjoy that little addition to my profile!**

**So, y'know how I said there's been a lot going on? Well, this story tells you just what I'm talking about. And yes, this is all true, and everything you are about to read really happened. You'll read about a great deal of what's been happening in my life recently in my point of view. This was meant to be...rather serious, so Sonic and Shadow won't be joining us, unfortunately. .**

**I'm crossing my fingers that you'll hopefully understand what I'm going through. It's really hard for me to put it in words, but I'll try my best.**

**So without furthur ado, here is my story. I hope you enjoy it! :)  
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><p>~ <span>Prologue<span> ~

I'm walking in the hallway, like a mindless zombie, feeling slightly dizzy. Everything seems like a blur, but I can see perfectly fine…I wear glasses after all, and I got a new pair just recently. I pass by many faces, talking to their friends, and I suddenly feel lonely. While they have hundreds, I have very few. I've lost some too, those who I miss everyday. But I move on, still walking half-blind, my feet dragging me to my next class due to the daily basis of school. If I walk by a friend, I just simply say hello, still in my phase, and I move on…

That is until I see that one person who vividly stands out of my vision.

My heart beats like the world is about to end, my cheeks burst into flames, and I can't help but look down. A dull, gray cloud hovers over my head, and it stays there for the entire day.

At that point I feel like screaming…

or dying.

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><p><span>Part I<span>

_The Party_

**_May 26, 2011  
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I can't explain how I feel when I see him...it's a mixture of a bunch of emotions, really. Is it love? Maybe not, but I want it to be. But it's a feeling I've never experienced before...happiness, hope, anxiety...

Sadness?

When he looks at me, all I feel is panic, goose bumps running down my spine and spreading to my arms, and eventually, my whole entire body.

But when I look at him, it's a whole different story. I smile, yet my heart sinks inside.

It's really hard not to get lost in his eyes, for me anyway. They're deep blue, blue as the ocean. I can hear the waves of the sea at the beach and see his eyes sparkle in the light at the same time. They're kind, friendly.

Who wouldn't stare at those?

Unfortunately that's exactly how he found out.

What was I thinking? I don't know. I guess I thought I'd be able to pull it off without him catching me looking at him whenever he's at his locker. But, it's so...irresistable, like there's a need why I have to look at him everyday...

It keeps me alive.

Talking to him is a completely different level. I really don't know what to say to someone so perfect. Being near him is like those few seconds before you collapse on the ground while having a heart attack.

Now, I really wish I could explain what he looks like, but honestly, it's hard for me to put it in just a few words.

Plus, I think it'd be clearer if I also described what he wore on a certain day.

Oh, that's right...the party. I guess that would be the best example.

Last night I went to a party for drama club. It was the last time that we all got to be together. The show ended a long while ago, but the cast party had been scheduled for yesterday.

Due to the fact that I'm telling you this, I think you can all tell who is also in the drama club. Of course, it wasn't because of that...

At first, anyway.

The party took place at a deli. Since it's bigger and a bit fancier than any other deli, I'm guessing it is one that a lot of people go to. As soon as I walk in, there's a platform, cleared of tables and chairs, with a DJ and a bunch of people, mostly girls, dancing and fist pumping to loud music.

As soon as I see my friends, I go to them, and they all say "hi" or "hey". I'm surprised they didn't scream "Hi!" like they usually do.

There were chips and salsa/guacamole served and red drinks (I'm guessing fruit punch) with those little umbrellas in them, and also a soda fountain dispenser if you wanted to get soda instead. After just a few seconds of arriving, I was greeted by two girls in my grade, asking me to follow them to the back of the room. I already knew why, though.

When we went to the back, they took out something from a plastic bag.

As expected, it was the gift for my drama teacher, which was a collage of pictures of the past shows with little captions underneath them made out of contruction paper in a glass picture frame . It was very well decorated. I think they said it took over 2 months to complete. They made it because it's our last year of middle school, so they wanted to make something special. This was my first year, and I didn't like my drama teacher THAT much.

Like they asked me to before, I signed the frame with a silver Sharpie marker.

Afterwards, I went back to my friends, and I sat with them at the table on a wooden chair. I scanned the room, but the one I was looking for was nowhere to be found.

"Where's **whipped cream**?" I asked one of my friends.

You see, me and my friends came up with a bunch of silly codenames for us and each guy we like or liked. They're all named of foods and drinks, so we call it our "kitchen", because we literally have a full kitchen of codenames.

"He's not coming," she replied.

Panic and worry rushed to my face. A heavy weight laid on my chest, and a knot formed in my throat. I had washed my hair and everything and actually made sure I looked good before leaving the house, just for him.

"WHAT?"

"That's what I heard, I'm not really sure."

I started panicking like mad. The reason for why I even went to the party in the first place was because of him, for the most part anyway.

Luckily for me, my friend was joking and I panicked for nothing. He arrived about ten or fifteen minutes later, and I didn't even know until my friends were screaming at my face.

"WHIPPED CREAM'S HERE, WHIPPED CREAM'S HERE!"

"SHHHHH! Alright, alright, calm down." I said.

Even though he was at the other side of the platform, which is only several feet away, the loud music mixed with all of the talking made it almost impossible for him to hear, but I obviously didn't want the other people around us to hear, even if it was in code.

But as soon as they said that, I turned as a red as a cherry.

Just the fact that he's in the same room makes my cheeks explode. It's something I can't control.

I didn't dance at all at the party, mostly since I didn't want to embarrass myself in front of him. Besides, I can't really dance anyway. I mostly talked with my friends when they're weren't on the platform, dancing and making fools of themselves and not caring, wanting to have fun no matter how silly they looked. I used to be like that...but not anymore.

I even talked with a guy friend who's also in drama with me. He wasn't actually in the show, but he did the lighting. We even sat with each other and ate together. We sat across from one another, talked, and laughed. He's really friendly, and he makes me smile even when I'm in the worst mood. Everyone was making a big deal out of it, like they've never seen a girl hang out with a guy friend before.

Then his friend pretended he took a picture of us with his fingers, and then actually took out his phone and took an actual one. Luckily, he doesn't have a Facebook or anything. My friend and I looked at each other, smiled, and shook our heads for his childish behavior. A small group of girls even asked if we were going out. Still, it was nice to hang out with a guy friend, which was something I haven't done in a while. I haven't made a real smile in a long time.

But anyway, for the most part, I just sat on a wooden chair, watching everyone dance and have fun. All of my friends kept telling me to dance and have a good time, but I refused. How could I have a good time if he'll never be mine? Him and I in the same room, him hanging out with everyone but me? I watched him talk with his friends, being too shy to dance. But as the minutes ticked by, I just kept watching, and watching, making me more and more depressed, for the fact that I will never be together with him. How could I be? He's perfect, too perfect. And, to make things worse, he thinks I'm a freak now since he caught me staring at school.

My life's a wreck, and so is my heart, like it got hit with a massive tornado, and I'm left picking up the pieces. But every attempt I make to make it better, it keeps falling apart again...

Every time.

But then suddenly the unthinkable happens. Or should I say, the almost impossible?

I'm sitting on the wooden chair, looking out the big glass window, and I suddenly sense his presence nearby. And then that's when I see him, with his usual friends. He spots me, and I thought he would just look away, as always, and move on.

But then he suddenly branches out of his group and starts walking towards my direction, his eyes locked on mine. They look kind and friendly, not serious in any way. He comes closer and closer, until he's only about a foot away, right in front of me.

I must've looked really depressed or something, because he smiles at me and says "Hey."

My cheeks already turned warm as soon as I saw him heading towards my direction, and I could tell I was blushing, probably the reddest I've ever blushed. I couldn't believe he was actually talking with me. Me, of all people. We've never had a real conversation. Just an exchange of "hi"s. It was the happiest moment of my life. Ever.

A knot formed in my throat again, and after a split second of hesitation (which I hope he didn't notice), I managed to say "Hi."

Those kind blue orbs were locked onto mine. My heart beat at least a million times per half a second. Honestly, I thought I was going to have a heart attack right there and then. No kidding.

I looked at his features, what he's wearing, everything...

So, what does he look like?

He has a thin, oval-shaped head. He has golden blonde hair, and it's so perfect it almost looks fake. He has the "Justin Bieber hair", (before he got the haircut), but that's just how it it is. His hair hangs just slightly over his eyebrows, his eyes that are as blue as the sky underneath his glasses. He has a pale complexion, and freckles on his cheeks. He's very thin, like a stick. His arms and legs are practically bones. He has perfect, straight, pure white teeth and wears braces. That night he wore a white and dark green striped shirt (big stripes), beige shorts that go up to his knees (the ones that have plenty of pockets), and blue sneakers, a bit darker than his eyes. He may sound like a geek, but he really isn't. Yes, he does very well in school (I don't think he's ever gotten less than a B), but there's so much more to him than that. I wish I could explain...

Besides, in my opinion, appearance, skin color, height, and all that stuff...it doesn't matter. At all.

With my heart still pounding, he spoke once more.

"How do you like the party so far?"

_Infinity times better now that you're actually communicating with me._

Seriously, there is no number at all that could rate how happy I was. It felt like a gift from God himself.

I couldn't say it was awesome, because obviously, I looked like I was having a crappy day.

So I say, "It's alright."

He nods and says, "Well, I'll see you around."

My eyes started feeling itchy. I felt like crying. I nod back, give a small wave, and say a last minute "Bye."

I look as he walks away, and as soon as he's far enough, I turn back to my friends, who were watching a few feet away, and they were smiling wildly at me, especially my friend Stefanie. They were all like:

"OH MY GOD!"

and,

"WHAT DID HE SAY?"

I told them his exact words, and they said "Oh my god!" at least ten more times.

That's when the tears came.

Stefanie looked at me. "Oh my god, are you crying?"

_No, I'm sweating through my eyes..._

I nod. "Because I'm happy."

Not only that, but also because of the fact it might be the first and last time we'll ever actually talk to each other.

Then she yells out to my other friends, "Oh my god, look, she's crying!"

I quickly wiped my tears so he wouldn't see.

The rest of the party was okay I guess. I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just from watching him, and even started having a debate whether or not I should go up with my friends and dance at least once.

That is until Stefanie comes along and ruins everything.

Stefanie was the one who nagged me the most to go dance with her on the platform. She begged and she plead, but my answer was still no. I think she was starting to get crazy about it because she had that wild, hyper smile on her face. She was wearing her fake yellow lei (a teacher was handing them out at the beginning of the party) which was twenty times longer since she stretched it. She started doing that crazy laugh and wore her lei as a long scarf. Once again, she asked me to dance with her.

I sighed and gave her the exact same answer that I had said at least twenty times before: "No, Stef. I don't want to. I can't dance."

"Then just do this,"

She side-stepped and clapped to the song that was currently playing. This was like the fourth time she was showing me this.

Of course I knew that "move" or "dance". It was so classic, and it really was the closest thing to dancing. Still, my answer was no. She was still pretty hyper, and she still had that goofy smile on her face, her cup filled with soda in hand.

For a second I thought she was going to pour it on me.

"Be careful with that thing," I said. She had spilled punch on my cast shirt before, and I ran after her playfully into the bathroom, pretending to be pissed. (Luckily, _he _didn't see that). Well, to be honest, I was a LITTLE, but I just went on with the joke. She had locked herself in a stall and I banged on the stall door, but I just walked away and pretended she was invisible for a while.

She crazy-laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not gonna do it."

But three minutes later, while I was sitting on the wooden chair, I felt some cold fluid running down from the back of my head.

I turned around, and sure enough, there was Stefanie, smiling widely, and then laughing hysterically. My friends watched in shock.

For a second, I felt like punching her face, but instead, I ran for the bathroom, crying my guts out over the sink.

My friends came in seconds later, and saw me bawling. Immediately, my good friend Paige starts rubbing my back, saying it's okay. My other two friends, Sam and Rachel, asked if I was okay. I kept sobbing as a response.

Then Stefanie comes in, still smiling. But right when she sees me, she has a blank expression on her face, and Rachel starts yelling her head off, asking why Stefanie would do such a thing. Whenever Stefanie made up some stupid excuse, Rachel would yell a good comeback. I was happy that she stood up for me, but I sure as hell didn't show it at the moment. Then eventually, Rachel got tired of it and screamed at Stefanie to get out. After telling her ten times, Stefanie finally left the bathroom.

Afterwards, Rachel kept telling me it was okay, and offered many things, like if I wanted to dry my hair with the hand dryer or if I wanted her to get a towel. I shook my head no to all she offered. After five minutes, I dried my face with a paper towel and finally went back outside. I could not let him see me like that.

I had washed my hair, and made sure I looked extra-good before I left my house, and I wanted the night to be perfect. Or at least a little fun. Now I had soda all over my hair. Great.

Stefanie looked at me with the familiar sad look on her face. I just ignored her completely and sat back down. She said sorry at least a hundred times, but I didn't say a word.

But of course, we just had to sort it out somehow. We made up about five minutes later, and she promised she would control her hyperness and never do something like that to me again. Even though I have no idea how long that will last, I accepted it anyway. I mean, we've been friends since first grade. Why break our friendship now over something like that?

The rest of the night went alright. Luckily for me, my hair wasn't sticky at all, as if the incident never happened. Me and the other eighth graders presented the gifts to all of the staff that helped with the show, and finally, our drama teacher. We each had a line to say, and I messed up on mine, since he was near me. I sounded so weird and girly on the microphone, and I saw him looking at me. My cheeks were warm.

At the end of the party, me and all of the people in my grade got goody bags as graduation gifts, and all of us got envelopes filled with more goodies, including the cast picture. I talked with my friend Sydney while I waited for my dad to pick me up, who I never got a chance to talk to during the party. I kept on glancing at _him_ most of the time, but I still knew what me and Sydney were talking about. It's a good skill I have.

I was expecting a text message, but instead, my dad knocked on the window, signaling me it was time to go.

After saying goodbye to Sydney, I hopped into the car. After catching a last glimpse of his face, we were off, the _vroom_ of my dad's car fading away from the deli.

After I came back home, I watched the last episode of this season's American Idol with my mom. After we found out that Scotty had won, I went straight to my room and put on my PJ's. After eating a few pieces of candy from my goody bag, I took out the cast picture from the envelope. I looked weird, while _he_ looked silly since the picture was taken when his eyes were closed, especially with the make-up he had to put on. The boys (and girls) had to wear eye make-up to "make their eyes stand out", but my family thought he sort of looked like a girl, which I was very offended by. My parents said I looked very pretty, but I couldn't disagree more.

I brushed my teeth and crawled into bed, snuggling in the covers. I took off my glasses and set them on my nightstand. Before turning off my lamp, I looked at the blue fake lei hanging on my bedpost. My seventh grade friend Adam got it for me at the last cast party I went to at Friendly's.

From _his _neck. I've kept it ever since.

I'm not sure if he knows that I have it, but I treasure it deeply. I want him so badly.

I turned off my lamp. I cried myself to sleep that night.

**_To be continued..._**

**A/N: The next chapter may not be up for a while... **

**~ Please leave a review! ~**


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